Here’s the short answer: nobody
should judge what’s on someone else’s plate.
There’s something about our culture’s obsession with perfection and
weight loss that’s turned many of us to street corner experts who feel entitled
to comment to anyone nearby: “You’ll
always be fat if you keep munching that cheeseburger/cake/doughnut/etc.” Funny how the same reasoning doesn’t apply to
a “normal-sized” person eating the same thing.
But we can’t judge someone based on
two flimsy facts: what they’re eating and what they look like.
For all you know, they might be a
weight-lifter, a dancer, or they might simply have a genetic make-up that
results in their body looking exactly the way it looks, no matter what they eat
or how much they exercise.
We experience comments like this
whatever size we are: our friend who says, “Oh you got the blue cheese
dressing, I can’t eat that, too fattening.”
Friends like this can really suck the enjoyment out of a meal. What you choose to eat is not up for public
discussion or debate.
Eat what your body
loves to eat, do exercise your body loves to do, and don’t feel guilty about
it.
No one has the right to judge you or
make you feel bad about your body. You
don’t have to take on anyone else’s neuroses about weight and eating.
Ragen Chastain, who writes one of
my favorite blogs, “Dances With Fat,” talks about the perils of Eating While
Fat (EWF) and suggests the correct response to an unwelcome comment from a
stranger about food is: “You are way out of line and you don’t know what you’re
talking about. How dare you? Move on.” Indeed, this response sounds defensive. But hey, if you say something to this
impolite stranger now, you might save some other person from having to endure
the same rudeness later. Think of it as
performing a public service.
That said, there’s a deeper concern. What about when
you’re defensive when you’ve asked
someone for their opinion?
Years ago, when first trying to figure out why I was
hungry all the time, I asked a nutritionist friend of mine to look at my food
choices. Boy, was I defensive. Seriously, I had asked her to evaluate (read:
judge) my eating habits, and when she did exactly
what I asked her to do, was I mad!
Pissed! Furious! How dare you tell me to eat differently! Even though I’m paying you to do just that….
Yep.
Something was screwed up. The real
problem wasn’t that I felt judged by someone else. It was that I was judging
myself, giving myself a hard time for everything that I put into my mouth that
wasn’t perfectly fresh, non-fat, sugar-free, organic, sustainably harvested,
non-violently grown by fair-trade angels or locally unionized leprechauns. Which basically meant nothing I ate met the
strict standards I set for myself. I was
judging myself constantly and anyone else’s judgments (even the professional
dietician I was paying) just amplified the self-criticism beyond any tolerable
threshold.
I would always feel painfully
defensive about my food unless I stopped judging what was on my plate.
My inner judge would never be satisfied, no matter how
perfectly I ate, leprechauns and angels aside. How do you stop judging yourself for
what you eat? The Buddhist practice of
lovingkindness is a good start (I’ll cover that in an upcoming blog), but one
sure-fire way to circumvent the inner judge is to eat for enjoyment.
Close your eyes, feel into your body, and ask your
body what it would really enjoy eating.
Don’t be satisfied with the old cookies in the cabinet or the stale
pretzels on top of the fridge. What does
your body really want? When I ask my body the question, “What would
you enjoy eating right now?” my body almost always comes back with images of
ripe fruit, steamy greens, crisp salads with lemony dressing, and roasted
beets. Fresh eggs, juicy tomatoes, and
goat cheese also make the top of the list.
My body almost never asks for anything in a box or a can. Go figure.
Find out what your body would genuinely enjoy, then
make it or buy it, and sit down and enjoy every bite.
When your body stops enjoying it, stop, and
enjoy digesting it. If you have a hard
time figuring out what your body would like to eat, stand in the produce
section of the grocery store, or better yet, in the farmers’ market, and ask it
again. Keep asking it until it answers
you. You might be surprised by how
clearly it indicates its desires once you start tuning in. Listening to your body sounds simple, but it’s easy
for your body’s needs to get lost in the hubbub of daily life.
Listening to your body requires a commitment
to yourself to pause and ask, over and over again, what it needs, and to listen
to and feel for the answer.
And then to
be willing to meet those needs everyday.
Eating without thinking is easier, but much less satisfying and
enjoyable.
Then the answer to anyone who comments on your
food—stranger, friend, dietician, inner judge, leprechaun—is “This is what my
body needs right now. I’d trust my body
over your advice any day.”
If they seem
interested, you might ask them how much time they spend listening to their own
body’s needs. You might spark a change
in their relationship with their body, too.
Love Your Body Blog Part 70
