Lying in the arms of Mr. Second one night after having sex in my single dorm room bed, I stroked his back with my hands, and he murmured into my ear, “Are you a lesbian?”
Imagine that. You’re a woman, just having had intercourse with a man, and he asks you if you’re a lesbian! Not very flattering. What was weirder… I got the impression that he was asking me not because I hadn’t enjoyed it, but because I’d enjoyed it too much. Bemused and smiling into his shoulder, I answered him, “I don’t think so.”
Mr. Second was full of intriguing questions, many of which centered around my apparent inability to orgasm. “Do you ever play with yourself?” he asked me one morning, after yet again his satiation was accompanied by my “Are we done already?”
The tone of his question implied that I might be a freak if I never masturbated, so I pretended a sudden coughing fit.
In my childhood bed in the Midwest, snuggled between my yellow butterfly sheets, I hadn’t ever played with myself much… “down there” was something I was unconsciously saving for someone else. And not having read the owner’s manual, I didn’t even know how my vagina was supposed to work or feel or what “playing with it” might involve. Does it like to play catch or shoot hoops or make paper dolls? All the vagina owner’s manuals had been permanently removed from our high school library... bummer.
Yet Mr. Second inspired me to try. He inspired me to try out the lesbian thing, too. He was right on both counts. Though it was Mr. Third who finally brought me to my first orgasm, after Mr. Second moved to Czechoslovakia. I don’t think I had anything to do with him moving across the ocean… but I could be wrong. I’ll always be grateful to Mr. Second, my lover who taught me to ask questions about my body and what I really want. His inquiries led me to a confidence and pleasure in my body I had never imagined possible, and that I’ve enjoyed consistently ever since.
What does all this have to do with loving your body? Orgasm is a marvelous, ecstatic way to experience your body, whatever size or shape or age it is.
Some studies estimate that up to 43% of women don’t have orgasms during sex. Can you imagine if men had such high rates? First of all, they’d complain endlessly… tell me I’m wrong. Secondly, they’d find a cure, like a little blue pill they could take before sex… oh, you tell me this already exists? Just proves my point.
One potent way to love your body… give it an orgasm.
Flood your system with all the yummy, lovey hormones that follow, and let yourself enjoy the ride. You deserve it. Your body deserves it.
And if you’d like to explore how your sexuality supports your love for your body and your creative power, I’ve got just the thing for you… I’m giving away a free women’s retreat for next weekend, thanks to the lovely ladies at One Taste. They are launching a movement to empower around their sexuality and the whole of their lives. Check out their Turned On Woman’s Manifesto: it’s radiant and wildly inspiring.
One lucky Love Your Body Blog reader will get a FREE SPOT in the upcoming weekend retreat: A Turned-on Woman's Retreat: Intimate Conversations about Women, Sex & Life.
This one-of-a-kind retreat begins April 15-17, 2011, at Le Meridien Hotel in San Francisco. Led by Nicole Daedone and her faculty, the weekend will focus on how we as women can reignite our innate capacity for pleasure and live from desire. Nicole’s first book, Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm is due out in May 2011. Her work has been featured on Nightline as well as The New York Times. Hopefully, you’ll see me there, too, for at least part of the weekend. You can learn more about the weekend at the One Taste website.
To enter the contest, simply email me a few lines about what makes you a turned on woman?
If already got my group of guest judges standing by to pick a winner. All submissions must be emailed by Sunday, April 10th at midnight and the winner will be contacted Monday. Everyone is welcome to attend the kickoff reception Friday, April 15th from 7-10pm at Le Meridien Hotel (333 Battery St. San Francisco). Suggested donation $30 but no one turned away for lack of funds. Send all submissions to email@example.com.